The sun sets on 2011
0
The sunset as seen from Key Biscayne, FL, on the day after Christmas.
I hope you’ve all been having a wonderful holiday season and that 2012 proves to be a fantastic year all-around.
Namaste.
The link between rape and men’s magazines
In alarming news, a new study has determined that most people cannot differentiate quotes in British “lad mags” from statements made by convicted rapists… and that when men are asked to choose between the statements made by both parties, men will more often agree with the rapists’ opinions.
Popular men’s magazines and sex offenders are using the same language, and it would seem that these magazines are perpetuating sexist and misogynist notions about women and sexuality.
“There is a fundamental concern that the content of such magazines normalises the treatment of women as sexual objects. We are not killjoys or prudes who think that there should be no sexual information and media for young people. But are teenage boys and young men best prepared for fulfilling love and sex when they normalise views about women that are disturbingly close to those mirrored in the language of sexual offenders?,” asked study co-author Dr. Peter Hegarty.
Here’s one quote:
You do not want to be caught red-handed . . . go and smash her on a park bench. That used to be my trick.
Now, take a guess: is that quote taken from a men’s magazine or was it said by a rapist? If you guessed the former, you are unfortunately correct.
Here are two more disturbing examples:
I think if a law is passed, there should be a dress code . . . When girls dress in those short skirts and things like that, they’re just asking for it.
And
I think girls are like plasticine, if you warm them up you can do anything you want with them.
The first is by a rapist and the second by a magazine. Hard to tell the difference, isn’t it?
“We were surprised that participants identified more with the rapists’ quotes, and we are concerned that the legitimisation strategies that rapists deploy when they talk about women are more familiar to these young men than we had anticipated,” said lead study author Dr. Miranda Horvath (emphasis mine).
And I thought women’s magazines were trouble!
Do you read men’s magazines that promote — even if only subtly — violence against women? And if so, now that you are aware of this study and its implications, will you stop?
What else can we do?
Does abstinence-only education help? Do we need comprehensive sex education classes in schools instead? What else would be necessary to teach young people to respect the sexuality and boundaries of their peers of all sexes and genders (actually, people of all ages would benefit from this type of information, would they not?)? Further, what else in our society is exacerbating the issue of sexual assault – TV shows that sexualize and objectify women? (I can think of plenty that air on foreign television, e.g., Argentina’s Show Match, in which women prance each night wearing glittery g-strings and stilettos. Apparently this phenomenon is popular in Italian culture as well.) Are films to blame (pornographic and not)? Frat culture? Even women’s magazines?
What are we teaching boys and men?
One of the roots of the problem is that men are strongly encouraged to assert their aggressiveness and sexual appetite to manifest their masculinity — a move ostensibly necessary to gain the respect of others. Men are often taught to put their sexual desires ahead of common sense. Besides, boys will be boys. This behavior is widely accepted.
Taking Action
One group that’s working to address this is Men Can Stop Rape, an international organization that strives to eradicate rape and violence through public awareness and leadership training.
“In contrast to traditional efforts that address men as the problem, Men Can Stop Rape’s pioneering work embraces men as vital allies with the will and character to make healthy choices and foster safe, equitable relationships,” the group explains.
Another great organization is Eve Ensler’s V-Day — a global activist movement to end violence against women and girls. This group does not only address rape, but also female genital mutilation (FGM) and sex slavery, among other issues. It does this via global campaigns and fostering public awareness. V-Men workshops, for example, raise awareness and funds for anti-violence groups within their own communities.
What can you do?
Get moving
I posted a personal semi-revelation on one of my Facebook accounts earlier today. It’s nothing fancy, but some people liked it a lot and even found it helpful, so I’m going to share it here to spread the love a little further:
It’s cool when you’re totally afraid of something — even paralyzed because of it — and think you’re failing, and then you realize that you have *not* done everything you can and it’s not that you haven’t achieved your goal because you suck and are awful, but because you’ve been [sabotaging] yourself into paralysis. And now you can start digging yourself out of that hole and shine like a star on crack.
A friend said she wants to etch this on her wall. Another said she’s going through this with someone right now and that it’s “so right on.” A third just wrote, “word to your mother.”
Sharing your thoughts with others is rewarding enough; learning that your words resonate with and are appreciated by people you care about is like getting an idea-hug. Er, whatever that is.
Sunset in Bradenton, FL
long distance
the closer you are to returning, the
more
you pause
as you pass through my mind. the
closer
we get to your arrival, the
more frequently
you sneak into my thoughts and the
longer
your breaks get before you move on and let me
get back to
what’s around
me —
work,
a walk,
dinner,
a shower.
Brief notes on body-image and body-hatred
I am in love with Feminist Ryan Gosling.
Feminist Ryan Gosling’s Danielle Henderson is a goddess. It was about time I shared one of her creations.
I will soon begin writing about body-image, body-hatred, self-esteem, and other issues affecting women in particular but men — and children! — as well. It’s an issue very close and harmful to my body, mind, and soul and the bodies, minds, and souls of countless people I come across every single day. It’s amazing to me how far-reaching the media’s noxious messages are and how deeply they infiltrate our thought processes.
TV, magazines, billboards, cosmetics companies, inventors of Botox, cosmetic surgeons, etc. — you are some of our society’s worst poisons. Many of us are are fighting you. And you are not going to win.
Positive thoughts by Rumi (A note to self)
Today, like every other day, we wake up empty and frightened. Don't open the door to the study and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument. Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground. ---
Moving Water When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. When actions come from another section, the feeling disappears. Don't let others lead you. They may be blind or, worse, vultures. Reach for the rope of God. And what is that? Putting aside self-will. Because of willfulness people sit in jail, the trapped bird's wings are tied, fish sizzle in the skillet. The anger of police is willfulness. You've seen a magistrate inflict visible punishment. Now see the invisible. If you could leave your selfishness, you would see how you've been torturing your soul. We are born and live inside black water in a well. How could we know what an open field of sunlight is? Don't insist on going where you think you want to go. Ask the way to the spring. Your living pieces will form a harmony. There is a moving palace that floats in the air with balconies and clear water flowing through, infinity everywhere, yet contained under a single tent. ---
The Guest House This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes As an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they're a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
On greater personalization in the web
This 10-minute presentation by Eli Pariser – Eli Pariser: Beware online \”filter bubbles\” (BTW can someone please help me embed this? WP is being temperamental.) – tackles how the trend toward greater personalization in the web could jeopardize the civic uses of new media.
Pariser directly addresses Google founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin, who are in the audience, asking them to offer the public more transparency and more control regarding how the search for information is being filtered. The author argues that not only should algorithms decide what to show us based on relevance, but that they should also provide material to us that is important, uncomfortable, challenging, and presents other points of view.
What I would like to know more about are the issues of importance and unease (the material deemed “uncomfortable”).
Who decides what is important? Apart from the obvious – e.g., news on Occupy Wall Street trump those on celebrities and fashion – the issue of power remains. Who are the watchdogs? Who has the power? Probably, in this case, those who create the algorithms. And are these parties fit to determine what is important? For example, in Argentina, where I’m from, the news on TV covers mostly local crimes, local politics, sports, and fashion. You virtually never hear about what’s going on abroad, which I find astounding – and harmful because it’s harshly limiting. And while I believe the people at Google, at least (since I browse Google News), are significantly more competent and reasonable in that respect, I am still uncomfortable knowing that they have this power instead of, say, Noam Chomsky, Eve Ensler, or Naomi Klein (am I biased? Nooooooo!).
But how could we work through this? What is the solution? How do we arrive at it?
Regarding news that is “uncomfortable,” what does this category mean, exactly? News about rape and incest? News regarding fetishes and the disturbing show Toddlers & Tiaras? News about Ukrainian authorities barbarically killing stray dogs in preparation for the Euro 2012 soccer championships next summer?
Life is plenty uncomfortable and jarring, so isn’t it logical that we should be exposed to news covering prickly topics? Ugly things are taking place, whether you want to stick your head in the sand or perk up your ears and somehow participate. Don’t you want to be part of progress, of action, of life on this earth? Staying updated on what’s going on around us is arguably necessary: it can help us keep an inclusive and well-rounded perspective in general, which is conducive to a more open, tolerant, and even compassionate mind — especially if our news consumption includes information coming from all sides. (Hear that, Google News/Yahoo News/etc.?)
What are your thoughts on Pariser’s video?
Rape is rape, no matter what Cosmopolitan says
Today on Facebook a couple of my contacts shared this article from Cosmopolitan: A New Kind of Date Rape by Laura Sessions Stepp. The author’s words hit me hard and saddened me greatly (okay, in truth, they angered me more than anything). In fact, my emotional response has been so sharp that I decided to not only spread the word on Facebook, as I always do, but also to write Cosmopolitan an email and post about this venomous article on my blog, which until now did not feature any posts on political issues.
What’s the problem with Stepp’s article? It discusses so-called “gray rape.” You know, when you say “No” but are assaulted anyway, yet somehow what happened is not really rape, because, you know, you might slightly be to blame, and you’re not fully sure that other people wouldn’t ultimately blame you for what happened anyway. I’m sorry – when did getting sexually violated after you clearly say “No” become anything other than rape? Right: never.
Rape is rape is rape, ladies and gents and everyone else, and calling it “gray” or “make-believe” or cruelly manipulating someone’s words to make it seem like a victim asked for it isn’t going to change that fact. All it’s going to do is make innocent, traumatized victims (women, men, and all others) confused, if they weren’t already, and make them feel guilty. It’s going to take credibility away from rape and assault victims. It’s going to let rapists feel more at ease about attacking. It’s going to hinder the cause against rape.
I’d like to note that I ceased reading “women’s magazines” when I turned 14 and – magically! – my self-esteem improved. This turn of events is clearly not surprising. I’ve stayed away from such magazines and articles [“How to lose 10 lb in 10 days,” “How to please your man” (because my pleasure doesn’t matter), “Products to hide your imperfections,” etc.] since then, but this time I couldn’t stay away, and I’m glad I didn’t.
I am pasting my letter below, and I hope you will let Cosmopolitan know what you think of their article too; click here to rant away. (Note: In my letter, I refer to rape victims as women only because the article does, but I am fully aware that, while most rape victims are indeed female, rape victims are also transgender, male, and so on. I wish I had included this information in my letter!)
Dear Cosmopolitan,
Laura Sessions Stepp’s article on rape is full of subtle victim-blaming. How is getting coerced into sex after saying “no” anything but rape? It’s not gray rape, it’s not orange, sort-of rape — it’s full-on rape, and women need to be sure and feel safe that when they are raped they can call it rape and they have every right to seek help without the fear that they will be blamed for what happened. They need to be solid on what rape is, and your article works against this, because it will perniciously implant seeds in impressionable, unsure women, and especially those who may have been assaulted. The article needs to be removed and an apology issued.
Sincerely,
Natalia Real
You’ve got to love your tree
We are all trees.
This is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard. Not surprisingly, it’s a story by the wonderful Eve Ensler. (Since for some reason I am currently unable to embed the video, follow this link to watch and hear Eve tell you her story herself.)
I asked a woman in Nairobi, in a rift valley, “Do you like your body?”
She looked at me like I was crazy.
“Like my body? Like my body? Ooh, I love my body! I love, love my body! And my hands – ooh, my fingers! Look at my fingers, my fingernails! They’re crescent moons! My hands, my arms! So strong! They carry me along, so strong! Ooh! And my legs! My legs can wrap around a man and hold him down. My breasts…”
“I was like, whoa, whoa… stop there.” I said, “I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to love my body.”
She said, “What’s wrong with your body?”
And I said, “Well, I’ve got this stomach…”
And she said, “A stomach? What stomach? Your stomach is mean to be seen!”
So she said to me, “Eve, Eve – do you see that tree? Do you like that tree? Now, look at that other tree. Do you like that tree? Do you think that tree isn’t pretty because it doesn’t look like the other tree? Do you think this tree is ugly because it doesn’t look like that tree? You’re a tree. You’ve got to love your tree! Love your tree!”
How often do you remember to love your tree? Let’s remind ourselves every day! We are all trees worth loving.
Writers: Unblock yourselves, Pt. 2
A while back I wrote a post on how to cope with writer’s block. Yeah, back in late June. What can I say? I’m a procrastinator, I admit it! But there was no deadline for this, so it’s not so bad, right? Right?! Right.
Here are some simple ways writers can work on unblocking themselves and get writing again:
- Instead of on the computer, write on a typewriter or with a pen/pencil/etc. on paper – even colored paper!
- Write in the bathtub, a coffee shop, library, bookstore, bar, airport, car, parking lot, bus or train station, pharmacy, supermarket, Sharper Image store (and why not go for the massage chair while you’re there?), park, boat, gym, beach, restaurant (perhaps a Denny’s or another spot open 24 hours so you can go whenever), at friend’s or family member’s house, on a rooftop, bridge, etc. — anywhere that might shift your perspective.
- Put music on.
- Write for 30 minutes continuously and without stopping to edit. Just go! Let ideas flow out one after the other.
- Write in slang or another language, use clichés, whatever — let your ideas gush out as they come. Save the editing for later!
- Write drunk. Just kidding.
- Change your argument or point of view (if possible).
- Take an invigorating break: go for a brisk walk, hike, run, ride your bike, play a sport, etc., and use that time to listen to music, clear your mind, or think about anything unrelated to your writing. Take your dog or a human friend!
- Take a relaxing break: go to the beach, take a bath, cook or bake, get some sexy action, watch a movie, whatever you want – and, again, do your best to keep your mind off your writing during this time.
- Read any author or writing style that inspires you, e.g., read poetry even if you have to write an essay.
Write standing up in a restaurant like this guy.
Got other ideas? Let me know!
By the way, happy spring (or fall)!